Dear Lord,
Today as you know, I talked to my dad about everything that is going on. I freaked out and I cried, and then, just when he told me to take a minute and gather myself, I fixed my make up and left. I didn't want to deal, I didn't have time for feelings. I guess in my life being this cut out makeshift Ashley is all that is important. I have an image and that is important for society. I have who I am supposed to be but I don't want to change... This person that was created for me to be is defined, except for the voices that are constantly changing their direction and dictation. But that's not how it is. I know you love me, at least that's what I'm told. I don't want to leave you. I want you to be near me like my dad was. I want you to be there. I don't know what you want from me. I know it may seem like I do, but that may just be for another's benefit. I'm different I know it. I was in the trenches during the retreat and didn't separate myself like my counterparts did. I was thinking earlier that expectations should be extinguished but that may not be a good thing. I mean if we got rid of expectations, what would we have? My entire life Lord, my entire life has been people telling me what to do. Directing me, having expectations for me. I figured that I fought against those expectations and created a set of my own as a back up plan. Expectations could define my entire life Lord. But it shouldn't. I don't know what you expect of me. Lord, I want to be loved. I want to feel embraced with your love and the love of a man. Not my father Lord, I want a gentleman. I want a strong Catholic man to lead me in my quest of love. I want to be held and cared for like a lady. I want to be honored and loved. I want the man you destined for me Lord. I chased guys a lot. It's true. That was what I knew. Did I do that to get it out of my system or was it expected of me? I don't know. I know you know me, and my heart, and my desires and my needs. Please listen to the words I am saying and the words I am not saying. I love you Lord. I love that you love me.
Please Holy Spirit guide me to where I am supposed to be. Help me do your will. Give me strength and patience and faith. Give me faith Lord. Give me faith.
I love you.
Amen.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Friday, November 14, 2014
Thankful
Dear God,
Thank you for a very interesting family. I know you put them in my life for a reason. They're very weird. Well not weird because this is what I know. Here most things are put on the table and there's a familiarity here that I don't get at Granny's. But now that I think about it, I do. Love. It's all about love. Seasons of love. You've got to love people for different reason and such. Bless me writing. May I write what you want. I love you Lord.
Amen.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
G You're Great
Lord,
Today was sad. I wasn't sad that you took Robbie. I was sad that Matthew has to grow up without a father. I know he has you. I just hope that you can help them. I want to teach him about You and bring Angela closer to you but I'm afraid. I haven't been the best at youth group this year and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that I wasn't there for Angela or Char. I was afraid too. Why do I live in fear? Because of acceptance. I want to be accepted. I want to be loved. You love me. I love you. I pray that you keep putting me in uncomfortable situations. Help me grow and do your will Lord. I love you. Amen.
Thankfully Pleased
Dear G,
The closer we get and the more we talk the more I feel like we're friends. I just want to thank you for the amazing life you've provided me. Thank you for blessing me with my family, my friends, my job, my school opportunities. I really like the trailer we have and this trip at Sand Mountain. Lord, at this moment, my life is pleasant and I am happy. I think that I may have a unique perspective on life. I don't feel what other people feel but you made me like this or gave me my parents to make me this way. It's very picturesque watching my family like this. I thank you for our good friends who are very good at sharing their blessings. Praise you Lord. You are amazing. I love you. :-)
I love you Lord.
Ashley
It's You
Lord, you are amazing. I love you. Some days are hard especially around secular people. I feel like I'm supposed to be a defender of your kingdom. My arguments make no sense. I know. Ok. So I'll do that and write. Can you imagine Vampires in the Catholic Church? I'm excited for it. And also for Nicashia's story. Thank you for your grace and great gifts. I love you Lord. You are amazing. I want to do you proud.
Amen. Your daughter Ashley.
Terribly Scared
Hello Lord,
So I'm sitting here in my car accross the street from my house. I have that fuzzy feeling in my stomach. I'm terrified to get out of the car and walk over there. I imagine one scenario in which Alexis isn't mad or surprised and everything goes ok. I know of another where her face glades from surprise to understanding. I want her to ask me why. I want her to understand why I have to. Maybe it will feel less like I'm disappointing everyone. Maybe it will be justified. I don't really know Lord. I don't even know if this is the right decision. What will I tell people? What will I say when people ask me? Their looks God. It's going to be horrible. I don't want to live in fear. Lord. Please give me strength and resilience as I go into the house. Help me get through this conversation and through everything that is to come. I love you Lord. This reminds me of Dalene leaving a few things so she can focus on you. Help me turn this into something good. If all things work for the good and to your will then so will this too. Lord grant me strength. Help me with this. I love you protector and savior, friend, father, lord.
Amen.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
A Long Time
Dear God,
It's so nice to talk to you again. I feel like I haven't spoken to you in ages. I've had a breakthrough with my writing. My arms tingle. I can feel you. You are everywhere. I just read the letters again. I feel ashamed that I haven't written sooner. Don't feel ashamed. It's ok. Sometimes I worry Lord. I worry that I'm not doing the right thing. then I decide not to worry. It just gets buried and I sit and wonder if I'm a good person. I can't help but think of my future person. I have a list if you need help. I know you don't. Why do I obsess over a person after we have an interaction? Why do I think they automatically like me because they were kind to me? Is it because people today are so mean and unkind that a nice person can be perceived as a person who is interested. I'm leaving it up to you. I mean I can still remember Greg's smile and his clear blue eyes. I can see it. I told myself that I needed to find my Griffin. I needed to find my person who would protect me. I guess I got caught up on the letter G. I know you can protect me. In fact, in the bookstore today, I felt time wasn't passing. I felt happy and overwhelmed with all that I could learn about you. I yearn for a man Lord. I yearn for a husband, a boyfriend. A physical human being who I can hold and touch. When I think about it, I feel like I am missing something. Sierra says I flirt weird, is it true? I just flirt how I was told...meaning how I do. No one teaches you how to do these things. I think I'll just burrow my head in my writing and my work and let you take care of it. Taking care of me is something you are quite good at. Please, look over my future person. Protect him and help him become the person you need. If there is no person, look over your sons. Help them to be kind, gentlemanly, and the people you need them to be. Watch over your daughters. Teach us that we don't have to be as independent as secular culture tells us. Teach us to be good mothers and stewards. Help the Catholic Church continue to grow and turn into the best it can. Protect all your children. Watch over them and I pray they feel your love. Bless my writing. I love you. Lord, I love you too.
Amen, Ashley.
It's so nice to talk to you again. I feel like I haven't spoken to you in ages. I've had a breakthrough with my writing. My arms tingle. I can feel you. You are everywhere. I just read the letters again. I feel ashamed that I haven't written sooner. Don't feel ashamed. It's ok. Sometimes I worry Lord. I worry that I'm not doing the right thing. then I decide not to worry. It just gets buried and I sit and wonder if I'm a good person. I can't help but think of my future person. I have a list if you need help. I know you don't. Why do I obsess over a person after we have an interaction? Why do I think they automatically like me because they were kind to me? Is it because people today are so mean and unkind that a nice person can be perceived as a person who is interested. I'm leaving it up to you. I mean I can still remember Greg's smile and his clear blue eyes. I can see it. I told myself that I needed to find my Griffin. I needed to find my person who would protect me. I guess I got caught up on the letter G. I know you can protect me. In fact, in the bookstore today, I felt time wasn't passing. I felt happy and overwhelmed with all that I could learn about you. I yearn for a man Lord. I yearn for a husband, a boyfriend. A physical human being who I can hold and touch. When I think about it, I feel like I am missing something. Sierra says I flirt weird, is it true? I just flirt how I was told...meaning how I do. No one teaches you how to do these things. I think I'll just burrow my head in my writing and my work and let you take care of it. Taking care of me is something you are quite good at. Please, look over my future person. Protect him and help him become the person you need. If there is no person, look over your sons. Help them to be kind, gentlemanly, and the people you need them to be. Watch over your daughters. Teach us that we don't have to be as independent as secular culture tells us. Teach us to be good mothers and stewards. Help the Catholic Church continue to grow and turn into the best it can. Protect all your children. Watch over them and I pray they feel your love. Bless my writing. I love you. Lord, I love you too.
Amen, Ashley.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
This Weekend
Dear God,
Whew. This weekend is finally over. As we were driving back, I was smiling. This weekend was great. I feel at peace. There is a lot of things to do like my English homework and the quilt and everything. I was worried. Work too. As I was saying I was worried but you bring me peace. I'm choosing not to worry. I can get it all done. Lord. You are great. I did it again. I was flirting and it may have peaked someone's interest. I felt really ashamed when everyone was bringing it to attention. Last night I felt bad when I was thinking about him. I'm trying not to turn it into anything it isn't. Are we supposed to do something? I don't think so at this time. He has a beautiful smile. I'm leaving it in your hands Lord. You know what you're doing. I pray for him. I also pray for my future romantic partner/husband. Watch over them a lord. Help them become the person you need them to be. Protect them from harm. I prey for all the Christians in the a Middle East. Protect them Lord. Protect and watch over all your children who are suffering from illnesses like cancer. Thanko y Lord. You are amazing and I love you.
Amen.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Eh...
Dear Lord/God,
I am so tired. I've been staring at this stupid blanket and trying to figure out how to do the trim. Lord, please guide my hands tomorrow while I work on it. I also ask that you guide my hands tonight as I write. I've been scared and tired to pray. No excuse, I know. I'm sorry. Look over Sierra and James. I pray for both of them. I also pray for Sam and his blonde friend. I pray for Michelle and Quin and the girl he kept talking to. I pray for Scott. I hope that he didn't take my comment offensively. I pray for Nathon at Sonic and his coworkers. I ask you to watch over my future husband and make him who you created him to be. I ask you to look and watch over Peter and help him with his time and energy. Lord, I want to help you in the church. I want to be there, but I'm frightened. I put so much energy into DG. It wasn't a waste. Now I have a basis for my story. I'm so brave in my bedroom for the door is closed, but I have nothing, no resolve when it's open. I'm sorry. What am I supposed to do? Do I leave them? Do I stay? Do I....I do. I do want to get married to the person you destined for me. I'm not sure if he's out there. The little boy was so cute. I can't help myself. I just want...is that bad? I don't want to treat you like a genie. Want again... Lord, you know the intentions of my heart, my ambitions, my talents, my future. Help me Lord. I could spread the message, Your message to the girls. What do you want?
Signed,
Talking too much to listen
I am so tired. I've been staring at this stupid blanket and trying to figure out how to do the trim. Lord, please guide my hands tomorrow while I work on it. I also ask that you guide my hands tonight as I write. I've been scared and tired to pray. No excuse, I know. I'm sorry. Look over Sierra and James. I pray for both of them. I also pray for Sam and his blonde friend. I pray for Michelle and Quin and the girl he kept talking to. I pray for Scott. I hope that he didn't take my comment offensively. I pray for Nathon at Sonic and his coworkers. I ask you to watch over my future husband and make him who you created him to be. I ask you to look and watch over Peter and help him with his time and energy. Lord, I want to help you in the church. I want to be there, but I'm frightened. I put so much energy into DG. It wasn't a waste. Now I have a basis for my story. I'm so brave in my bedroom for the door is closed, but I have nothing, no resolve when it's open. I'm sorry. What am I supposed to do? Do I leave them? Do I stay? Do I....I do. I do want to get married to the person you destined for me. I'm not sure if he's out there. The little boy was so cute. I can't help myself. I just want...is that bad? I don't want to treat you like a genie. Want again... Lord, you know the intentions of my heart, my ambitions, my talents, my future. Help me Lord. I could spread the message, Your message to the girls. What do you want?
Signed,
Talking too much to listen
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Hey...
Dear Lord,
Tonight I hung out with Sierra. Sometimes I worry if things are crossing over into lesbian territory, but I know I shouldn't. I am thankful that you put her in my life and me in hers. Can you help us? We want to move out because she's suffering listening to Brian and Estella procreate. I want to leave because I am more productive on my own and I think I am old enough. If it is your will, then we will move out this summer. That gives us five months. I ask you to help us do this. Give us money, and discipline to achieve this goal. Oh and a nice condo discounted that allows pets would be great too. :-) I think about the people that suffer from tsunamis. And the wind. Is it from you. If you remain silent then the wind can't be you but it can bring messages. Subtle hints. Are you a spy? You can't tell us where you are or what you're doing but only that its for our own good. You are one of the good guys. I feel like I am supposed to be more involved in ICCYG, but the sorority is important to me too. Am I supposed to be there or here?Woodpecker. I think I'll talk to Jessica. She might help me. I feel like church is home and I want other kids to feel that way too. Why is it like home to me and not them? Am I special because I feel this way? Do you want me to help them and teach them? I feel the same way about this that I do getting my AEMT and an English Degree. People either praise me for following my dreams or condemn me for not doing something practical. Is this a way to teach me to stand up for myself when it comes to my dreams? and what I feel I have to do? Following you comes with challenges. So far it's been really hard defending myself. I feel like I am disappointing people and not living up to their expectations. The only one you have to live up to is me. Do what you want me to do. For the past few days I have doubted that I chose the right thing for me to do. I want to teach...through stories. I could be a teacher. I could do it. I so don't want to, but if you need me to....ICCYG! Youth Minister (Later), novelist, EMT. That brings a smile to my face. You know I don't see a sorority anywhere in there. I could be disappointing people there too. Oh well.
Lord, thank you. I really appreciate this talk. Thank you for blessing me with everything that I have: every person, experience, object and talent. I want to do well for you Lord. I want to love you the way You love me. I love You. I love You. Lord. I love You.
Ashley-Amen
Tonight I hung out with Sierra. Sometimes I worry if things are crossing over into lesbian territory, but I know I shouldn't. I am thankful that you put her in my life and me in hers. Can you help us? We want to move out because she's suffering listening to Brian and Estella procreate. I want to leave because I am more productive on my own and I think I am old enough. If it is your will, then we will move out this summer. That gives us five months. I ask you to help us do this. Give us money, and discipline to achieve this goal. Oh and a nice condo discounted that allows pets would be great too. :-) I think about the people that suffer from tsunamis. And the wind. Is it from you. If you remain silent then the wind can't be you but it can bring messages. Subtle hints. Are you a spy? You can't tell us where you are or what you're doing but only that its for our own good. You are one of the good guys. I feel like I am supposed to be more involved in ICCYG, but the sorority is important to me too. Am I supposed to be there or here?Woodpecker. I think I'll talk to Jessica. She might help me. I feel like church is home and I want other kids to feel that way too. Why is it like home to me and not them? Am I special because I feel this way? Do you want me to help them and teach them? I feel the same way about this that I do getting my AEMT and an English Degree. People either praise me for following my dreams or condemn me for not doing something practical. Is this a way to teach me to stand up for myself when it comes to my dreams? and what I feel I have to do? Following you comes with challenges. So far it's been really hard defending myself. I feel like I am disappointing people and not living up to their expectations. The only one you have to live up to is me. Do what you want me to do. For the past few days I have doubted that I chose the right thing for me to do. I want to teach...through stories. I could be a teacher. I could do it. I so don't want to, but if you need me to....ICCYG! Youth Minister (Later), novelist, EMT. That brings a smile to my face. You know I don't see a sorority anywhere in there. I could be disappointing people there too. Oh well.
Lord, thank you. I really appreciate this talk. Thank you for blessing me with everything that I have: every person, experience, object and talent. I want to do well for you Lord. I want to love you the way You love me. I love You. I love You. Lord. I love You.
Ashley-Amen
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Every day
Dear Lord,
I want to thank you for being amazing. Every day I doubt that I made the right decision. Every day you prove that I didn't. Thank you for doing that. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to take a leap of faith and trust in you. I love you Lord. I am amazed and surprised by you every day. Thank you. I pray for strength. May the Catholic Church stay strong under your watchful eye. I pray that your children come to know you and love you.
Always, Amen
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
I'm Back
Dear God,
Looking at my graph, I have just missed one of the nights of praying to you, well besides the other ones. I still believe in fairy tales, I still believe there's someone who loves me. I want to thank you for everything today. Thank you for the blessings and the amazing gifts. Lord, thank you for providing me the will to find my check, the interaction with Sierra, and Nathanael. Are you letting me see things so I can help you? I don't know Lord. I am very thankful. Those events helped to reaffirm my belief that I'm doing the right thing by writing. Now I just have to choose my minor and what language to take. Psychology and Spanish (?) I love you Lord. I am sorry I don't always show it. I am lazy, and mean and cruel and selfish. I am sorry about that. I love you. You are amazing. I love you and your son. I love you, your son, and the holy spirit. I love you, your son, the holy spirit, and my brothers and sisters on this earth. Now just show it. I love you.
Forever yours,
Ashley
Sunday, October 19, 2014
I'm Sorry
Lord,
I'm sorry about my comment. I apologized and I hope that they will forgive me. I feel so disappointed. I'm sorry. I love you. You are amazing. It is so much easier to love You when I'm in church. I pray that I can carry Your lessons over from church to reality. I love You. You are awesome. I love You.
Amen.
I'm sorry about my comment. I apologized and I hope that they will forgive me. I feel so disappointed. I'm sorry. I love you. You are amazing. It is so much easier to love You when I'm in church. I pray that I can carry Your lessons over from church to reality. I love You. You are awesome. I love You.
Amen.
Hello God
Thank you for the wonderful day today. I am so thankful that you put Frank and Eileen in our lives at that moment. Sharing love was great. It really helped. I appreciate everything you have done for me. On Monday, I am going to talk to Joe about switching my major. I pray for Angela and Matthew and Char and Sue and Mike and Linda may they find healing in you. I pray for my future spouse. May I find him before the year 2014 ends and learn how to be a good person for him and you. I ask that you look over him. Show him your love and help him accept who he is. I pray for Caleb and Sierra. Help motivate him to do things in life, and help her with her romance. I ask you to watch over Estella and Brian. It is so cool that she has accepted someone in her heart already so soon after Scott went to live with you. As always, even if I don't say it, bless the words I write. Help me to share your message. Amen. Let my check be in the mail on Monday. Amen Lord. I love you.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
G You're Great
Lord,
Today was sad. I wasn't sad that you took Robbie. I was sad that Matthew has to grow up without a father. I know he has you. I just hope that you can help them. I want to teach him about You and bring Angela closer to you but I'm afraid. I haven't been the best at youth group this year and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that I wasn't there for Angela or Char. I was afraid too. Why do I live in fear? Because of acceptance. I want to be accepted. I want to be loved. You love me. I love you. I pray that you keep putting me in uncomfortable situations. Help me grow and do your will Lord. I love you. Amen.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Slightly Sorry
Dear Lord, I'm sorry I didn pray to you deeply yesterday. I'm making up for it now. You are amazing. Thank you for all the blessings in my life, my amazing fiends and family and the people you need me to help. I want to change majors for you. I feel like I should. I think it's right but I just want to make sure it's what you want me to do. Not my ego telling me. Maria and the facilitator says that you remain silent, but can't the Holy Spirt help a little? Tell you what, I'll keep writing and pushing through. (Thank you for that by the way. 😊) I ask you to help Angela, Char, Matthew and Sue tomorrow. Please let tomorrow be the closure they need. It probably won't be easy but they'll recover. Thank you for the time Robbie had. I can't wait to learn more about him. Lord I love you. I ask that you look over my sister, my friends, her friends, my parents, please help them ins my moms wedding ring. Look over my grandparents. And all the people who have/had/are being persecuted for your sake. I love you Lord. I wonder what love language I speak and what you speak. Please have my check from Wild Island be in the box tomorrow. I love you. Thank you for the Doyle. Thank you Lord.
Amen.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
End of Day
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the amazing gifts of today. Thank you for the gift of my family and us being able to sit down and eat together. Thank you for the gift of Sierra and her family. Thank you for putting everyone in my life that I need. I am grateful that you care so much about me that you gave up your only son and do what's best for me always. Please, let my checks from Doyle and Wild Island be in the mailbox tomorrow. I know you know better than I do what I need, but I have nothing to say. It was so cool today during math that you directed my writing. I wasn't afraid of Tony or anyone else reading it. I was fine and ready to write your story. Thank you Lord. Please help Char come into money. Help my mother find her wedding ring. Saint Anthony, I'm sending you a CC with that one. Help Sierra and her mother reach peace. Help Angela and Matthew and Sue during this tough time. May they find peace in you. Lord, I also ask for protection for the people suffering from Natural Disasters or as you might call them a readjustment period. Protect the people that love you from demons and devils and the people fighting for you in the Middle East. Thank you so much Lord. I love you.
Always,
Ashley
Thank you for the amazing gifts of today. Thank you for the gift of my family and us being able to sit down and eat together. Thank you for the gift of Sierra and her family. Thank you for putting everyone in my life that I need. I am grateful that you care so much about me that you gave up your only son and do what's best for me always. Please, let my checks from Doyle and Wild Island be in the mailbox tomorrow. I know you know better than I do what I need, but I have nothing to say. It was so cool today during math that you directed my writing. I wasn't afraid of Tony or anyone else reading it. I was fine and ready to write your story. Thank you Lord. Please help Char come into money. Help my mother find her wedding ring. Saint Anthony, I'm sending you a CC with that one. Help Sierra and her mother reach peace. Help Angela and Matthew and Sue during this tough time. May they find peace in you. Lord, I also ask for protection for the people suffering from Natural Disasters or as you might call them a readjustment period. Protect the people that love you from demons and devils and the people fighting for you in the Middle East. Thank you so much Lord. I love you.
Always,
Ashley
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
10/15/14
Dear God,
I'm back, logging on you could say. I don't want to do my homework. Is is Senioritis striking again? I also am not feeling my writing. I think that in order to write for you and do your will I have to pray before I write. Not that I have to be any good at it, but just to connect with you if only for a second to help spread your word. I said hi to people today and I liked it. Do I go home and get my stuff for my book report and check the mail and turn in my library book? Ok, that answer is simple. It's Wednesday but it feels like Thursday. I have a lot of stuff (homework to do). Why do I procrastinate, ok I know the answer to that one. Why does it happen so often? Ok, know that answer too. Do you ever get bored hearing the same story over and over again from me? I know we're all unique and you made us to do different things. I ask that my checks be in my dad's mailbox when I check it today. Please let them be there Lord. I also ask that my sister has a great day at school today and gets closer to you. I wonder if the prayers you don't answer are a way to tell us that we have to get off of our lazy butts and do something. Well I'm going to class Lord. I love you. The window behind me is now warm. I love you Lord.
Ashley
I'm back, logging on you could say. I don't want to do my homework. Is is Senioritis striking again? I also am not feeling my writing. I think that in order to write for you and do your will I have to pray before I write. Not that I have to be any good at it, but just to connect with you if only for a second to help spread your word. I said hi to people today and I liked it. Do I go home and get my stuff for my book report and check the mail and turn in my library book? Ok, that answer is simple. It's Wednesday but it feels like Thursday. I have a lot of stuff (homework to do). Why do I procrastinate, ok I know the answer to that one. Why does it happen so often? Ok, know that answer too. Do you ever get bored hearing the same story over and over again from me? I know we're all unique and you made us to do different things. I ask that my checks be in my dad's mailbox when I check it today. Please let them be there Lord. I also ask that my sister has a great day at school today and gets closer to you. I wonder if the prayers you don't answer are a way to tell us that we have to get off of our lazy butts and do something. Well I'm going to class Lord. I love you. The window behind me is now warm. I love you Lord.
Ashley
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
10/14/14
Hello God,
It's me again. I am somewhat keeping up with my prayers. That's good I think. I feel it's good. It must make you happy to hear from your children. I think of my father who called me tonight just to talk even though we had spent a pretty decent amount of time together. You must want to hear. I want to thank you for my big sorority sis. She is so kind. I also want to thank you for all of the gifts I have received that in my eyes have been less than perfect. I have been envious of others and their gifts and I shouldn't do that. Please help me foster a loving relationship with others. Lord, it was so great smiling at everyone at the Marina tonight. I felt happy especially when someone returned the smile. I pray for Sierra and I ask you to grant her the wisdom to know that her mom is not out to get her. Help her know the reasons why her mom speaks the way she does. I ask that you help Char. Give her a good paying job this year that will help her burden. I pray for the persecuted. May you protect them from physical and mental harm. Look over my sister. Help her transform into the woman she is meant to be: Your Woman. It was so cool to hear her talk about Saints. I pray that she becomes more interested in church. Lord, please have the mail carrier deliver my checks from Doyle and Wild Island tomorrow. I have been patient and have dealt with them slightly. Please don't make me do it again. Thank you for the blessings you have given me. Show me what to do about writing. I love you and am thankful to be one of your chosen people. I love you Lord.
Amen
It's me again. I am somewhat keeping up with my prayers. That's good I think. I feel it's good. It must make you happy to hear from your children. I think of my father who called me tonight just to talk even though we had spent a pretty decent amount of time together. You must want to hear. I want to thank you for my big sorority sis. She is so kind. I also want to thank you for all of the gifts I have received that in my eyes have been less than perfect. I have been envious of others and their gifts and I shouldn't do that. Please help me foster a loving relationship with others. Lord, it was so great smiling at everyone at the Marina tonight. I felt happy especially when someone returned the smile. I pray for Sierra and I ask you to grant her the wisdom to know that her mom is not out to get her. Help her know the reasons why her mom speaks the way she does. I ask that you help Char. Give her a good paying job this year that will help her burden. I pray for the persecuted. May you protect them from physical and mental harm. Look over my sister. Help her transform into the woman she is meant to be: Your Woman. It was so cool to hear her talk about Saints. I pray that she becomes more interested in church. Lord, please have the mail carrier deliver my checks from Doyle and Wild Island tomorrow. I have been patient and have dealt with them slightly. Please don't make me do it again. Thank you for the blessings you have given me. Show me what to do about writing. I love you and am thankful to be one of your chosen people. I love you Lord.
Amen
Monday, October 13, 2014
Need You
Dear God,
I tried to be loving today. I didn't do a very good job but there were some proud of you moments I think. I like listening to K-Love but sometimes I feel like it's not very cool. Lord, I ask you to watch over Ashley Lorea. I don't know what happened today but I hope and ask that everything is alright. Thank you for the sisters in the sorority and for giving me the opportunity to talk to Mr. Mackey. I am thankful that you helped me get hired at the school district. Thank you Lord for everything that you do. It might be stupid to say, and slightly repetitive but I am very relieved and blessed that you have a destined plan. I pray and ask you to watch over and protect your people in the Middle East. Help those with mental illness. Please help Char find a good paying job and the ability to support her and Matthew. Watch over Vivian, both my grandma and the girl from middle school. Help them find you and love you. Watch over Granny and Grandpa and may their marriage continue to be strong. I pray that Granny heals well. Finally, I want to end my prayers tonight by asking you to watch over my future spouse. Protect him, keep him out of harm, and help him do your will. I love you Lord. Thank you always,
Ashley
I tried to be loving today. I didn't do a very good job but there were some proud of you moments I think. I like listening to K-Love but sometimes I feel like it's not very cool. Lord, I ask you to watch over Ashley Lorea. I don't know what happened today but I hope and ask that everything is alright. Thank you for the sisters in the sorority and for giving me the opportunity to talk to Mr. Mackey. I am thankful that you helped me get hired at the school district. Thank you Lord for everything that you do. It might be stupid to say, and slightly repetitive but I am very relieved and blessed that you have a destined plan. I pray and ask you to watch over and protect your people in the Middle East. Help those with mental illness. Please help Char find a good paying job and the ability to support her and Matthew. Watch over Vivian, both my grandma and the girl from middle school. Help them find you and love you. Watch over Granny and Grandpa and may their marriage continue to be strong. I pray that Granny heals well. Finally, I want to end my prayers tonight by asking you to watch over my future spouse. Protect him, keep him out of harm, and help him do your will. I love you Lord. Thank you always,
Ashley
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
John 3: 14-18
14: And just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the desert, so must the Son of Man be lifted up.
It is interesting that you inspired John to compare You to a snake. Typically we think of snakes being a sign of evil and they are scary and disgusting; but You are none of those things. I know that not everything is as it seems, and that the only person who has the authority to judge a person is you, Lord. Open mind, open spirit...
17: For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.
I was telling my mom last night that You are a loving God, everything works for You and is good. Therefore even the brutal killing of Your son was and continues to be a blessing. Lord, you are amazing. I am thankful that You have chosen me to carry out your will. I am blessed to have such a loving Father as You...
Thank you Lord, I love You. Amen.
It is interesting that you inspired John to compare You to a snake. Typically we think of snakes being a sign of evil and they are scary and disgusting; but You are none of those things. I know that not everything is as it seems, and that the only person who has the authority to judge a person is you, Lord. Open mind, open spirit...
17: For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.
I was telling my mom last night that You are a loving God, everything works for You and is good. Therefore even the brutal killing of Your son was and continues to be a blessing. Lord, you are amazing. I am thankful that You have chosen me to carry out your will. I am blessed to have such a loving Father as You...
Thank you Lord, I love You. Amen.
Monday, September 22, 2014
Galatians 2: 17-21
19: For through the law I died to the law
21: I do not nullify the grace of God; for if justification comes through the law, then Christ died for nothing.
Lord, I understand now. In your eyes it doesn't matter if I run a stop sign or go over the speed limit. You are more concerned with matters of the heart. As You say, I am not subject to the laws of man, but to Your laws. I must love my neighbor as myself. I must love continuously and without a reason to love. In order to lead others closer to You, I must not be afraid. I must dare to be different and not conform to the ideals set forth by this world. It won't be easy, but it wasn't easy for You to die for me. Maybe because You loved me so much, loved everyone so much, and yet I remember Your words in the garden of Gesthemane, if it is Your will Father, take this cup from my lips so that I may not drink it, and die. Ok, so You didn't say that per se, however You had a hard time listening to Your own Father's will. It's a relief that the Greatest Example of humanity on Earth struggled with this. Although my tasks may be hard, I need to learn to accept it. I need to accept it. I find it hard to explain why the smoke can be a blessing, yet I know that everything that comes from you is a blessing. Lord, watch over the firemen and all Your people in the surrounding area. May the smoke clear and the fire be extinguished. I pray for everyone that is or was affected by the smoke and ask you to bless them and protect their lungs. Thank you Lord for the amazing day, and life that you have put me in. I ask that you watch over me and send the Holy Spirit to lead me into the role you have destined to be mine.
Forever and always, Your daughter,
Ashley. Amen.
21: I do not nullify the grace of God; for if justification comes through the law, then Christ died for nothing.
Lord, I understand now. In your eyes it doesn't matter if I run a stop sign or go over the speed limit. You are more concerned with matters of the heart. As You say, I am not subject to the laws of man, but to Your laws. I must love my neighbor as myself. I must love continuously and without a reason to love. In order to lead others closer to You, I must not be afraid. I must dare to be different and not conform to the ideals set forth by this world. It won't be easy, but it wasn't easy for You to die for me. Maybe because You loved me so much, loved everyone so much, and yet I remember Your words in the garden of Gesthemane, if it is Your will Father, take this cup from my lips so that I may not drink it, and die. Ok, so You didn't say that per se, however You had a hard time listening to Your own Father's will. It's a relief that the Greatest Example of humanity on Earth struggled with this. Although my tasks may be hard, I need to learn to accept it. I need to accept it. I find it hard to explain why the smoke can be a blessing, yet I know that everything that comes from you is a blessing. Lord, watch over the firemen and all Your people in the surrounding area. May the smoke clear and the fire be extinguished. I pray for everyone that is or was affected by the smoke and ask you to bless them and protect their lungs. Thank you Lord for the amazing day, and life that you have put me in. I ask that you watch over me and send the Holy Spirit to lead me into the role you have destined to be mine.
Forever and always, Your daughter,
Ashley. Amen.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Psalm 84 (Prayerful Reading)
4: ...my home is by your altars...
5: Happy are those who dwell in your house!
Lord, tonight and today was a gift. You turned my horrible experience into a good one. I felt your hand, and I want to feel your hand around mine forever. I could really be happy if I stayed in your house forever. I could and would feel complete. Thank you Lord. Amen.
5: Happy are those who dwell in your house!
Lord, tonight and today was a gift. You turned my horrible experience into a good one. I felt your hand, and I want to feel your hand around mine forever. I could really be happy if I stayed in your house forever. I could and would feel complete. Thank you Lord. Amen.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Hebrews 10: 5-10
10: By this "will," I have been consecrated through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.
You gave up your own son, your flesh and bone, if you have it, to save me. I haven't done much to return the favor, but I am trying. Tomorrow I will go to prayer for you because you died for me. I will obey your will. I have a feeling I won't like it very much, especially if my eyes are aligned over in society but I will adapt. You know my heart, and you know my future. Lord, I pray that I continue to fall for you. Amen.
First: Acceptance of Parents
My Lord, if I have ever despised or been ashamed of my parents, from this day on I accept them with tenderness and love. I ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness, and from your hands I accept them with gratitude and with real emotion. Even though they may have died, I still welcome them and embrace them. I love them; I accept them totally and completely in the mystery of Your will. Thank you for the gift of my parents, and may their memory be blessed forever.
Second: Acceptance of My Body
My Father, source of life, grant me the grace to befriend myself. If I have ever felt ashamed of the way that I am, I ask Your forgiveness, Creator of my life and my existence. Forgive my callousness and ungratefulness. From this moment on, I want to feel contented with who I am, happy to be as I am. I praise You, I adore You, and I thank You for these hands, this face, this body. I bless you for having made me as I am. I surrender myself into Your hands, happy to be as I am.
Third: Acceptance of Sickness and Death
My Father, Lord of life and death. Grant me the grace to peacefully accept the painful mystery of life, illness, deterioration and death. Let me accept them in silence and peace without complaints and without tears. I remember that Your Son transformed the most negative and worthless things in the world, such as pain and death, into a fountain of redemption and eternal life. From this moment on, I too want to transform my pain and my death into fertile fountains of redemption. From this moment on, I want to suffer with Jesus and like Jesus. Into Your hands, Father, I surrender my life and my death, my sickness and my health. Amen.
Fourth: Acceptance of Personality (forgiveness-love)
My Father, into Your hands I place myself, with the little that I am, happy to be as I am. If I have ever felt despondent or embarrassed about myself, I ask your forgiveness for having been ashamed of the work of Your hands. I thank You for having given me the capacity to think and to know that I carry your divine and immortal breath. Grant me the grace to forgive and love my strange personality. Through Your will, I forgive and love so many things about myself, which, until now, have annoyed me so much. Into Your hands, I place the little that I am, happy to be as I am, my own friend. Thy will be done.
Fifth: Acceptance of my Past
My God, Lord of my life, grant me the grace to transform pain into love; those who never understood me, those who could never accept me and always rejected me, those who attacked me with lies, half truths and slander, those who gave me sleepless nights and days full of tears. From this moment on, I want to transform all of those painful memories into an offering of love, and silently surrender them into the depths of Your will.
Thy will be done.
The soul's resistance, the heart's resentments, life's rebellions, inner struggles, private conflicts, painful memories, flawed personality traits, life's unhealed wounds, turmoil, tears, my soul's wails... I want to reduce it all to silence, in honor of my love for Your holy and mysterious will. Thy will be done.
Everything I was and shouldn't have been, everything that I did and shouldn't have done, everything that I said and shouldn't have said, I place forever into the eternal oblivion of Your heart. Thy will be done.
Those people who hurt me so...
Those first enemies...
That first failure and then that other one, which was the worst one in my life...
That mistake which I regretted so much afterwards...
Those undertakings that collapsed and we all know whose fault that was...
Those ideals that I was never able to attain...
My Lord, my Lord, at this moment all of that bloody, painful mass is transformed into a fragrant offering of love, and placed forever upon the altar of Your will. Let this be the moment of my rebirth, because my past will remain forgotten and erased forever and everything will begin anew. Like a newborn child, today I can start to walk freely and happily.
In Your name, Lord. Amen
Sixth: Forgiveness in the Spirit of Jesus
O, Holy Spirit, almighty power of God, in this moment may my feelings be the feelings of Jesus.
Lord Jesus, You who did and were resurrected, and are present here at this moment, enter into my being. Possess me completely. Make Yourself vividly present in my body and my spirit, and take complete control over my feelings, my thoughts, what I am and what I have. At this moment, let Your feelings be my feelings; Your emotions, my emotions, Your eyes my eyes, Your arms my arms.
Christ Jesus, almighty loving Lord, calm this storm of resentment and hostility that I feel towards that person. I want to feel what You feel for her right now, what You felt when You died on the cross for her salvation. Pardon that person from the depths of my being. Transform my feelings into Your feelings. Love and forgive that person from within me, instead of me, with me. I want to forgive that person like You do, love her like You do, feel what You feel for her. I want to see that person through Your eyes and embrace them with Your arms. I care for her. I understand her. I forgive her. I love that person, like You, my Lord.
Her, You and I, the three united as one; the three of us in a close embrace; Her, You, and I; I, You and Her; You, Her and I, in a tender embrace; more than forgiving that person, I understand. I love, I care for her...
You gave up your own son, your flesh and bone, if you have it, to save me. I haven't done much to return the favor, but I am trying. Tomorrow I will go to prayer for you because you died for me. I will obey your will. I have a feeling I won't like it very much, especially if my eyes are aligned over in society but I will adapt. You know my heart, and you know my future. Lord, I pray that I continue to fall for you. Amen.
First: Acceptance of Parents
My Lord, if I have ever despised or been ashamed of my parents, from this day on I accept them with tenderness and love. I ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness, and from your hands I accept them with gratitude and with real emotion. Even though they may have died, I still welcome them and embrace them. I love them; I accept them totally and completely in the mystery of Your will. Thank you for the gift of my parents, and may their memory be blessed forever.
Second: Acceptance of My Body
My Father, source of life, grant me the grace to befriend myself. If I have ever felt ashamed of the way that I am, I ask Your forgiveness, Creator of my life and my existence. Forgive my callousness and ungratefulness. From this moment on, I want to feel contented with who I am, happy to be as I am. I praise You, I adore You, and I thank You for these hands, this face, this body. I bless you for having made me as I am. I surrender myself into Your hands, happy to be as I am.
Third: Acceptance of Sickness and Death
My Father, Lord of life and death. Grant me the grace to peacefully accept the painful mystery of life, illness, deterioration and death. Let me accept them in silence and peace without complaints and without tears. I remember that Your Son transformed the most negative and worthless things in the world, such as pain and death, into a fountain of redemption and eternal life. From this moment on, I too want to transform my pain and my death into fertile fountains of redemption. From this moment on, I want to suffer with Jesus and like Jesus. Into Your hands, Father, I surrender my life and my death, my sickness and my health. Amen.
Fourth: Acceptance of Personality (forgiveness-love)
My Father, into Your hands I place myself, with the little that I am, happy to be as I am. If I have ever felt despondent or embarrassed about myself, I ask your forgiveness for having been ashamed of the work of Your hands. I thank You for having given me the capacity to think and to know that I carry your divine and immortal breath. Grant me the grace to forgive and love my strange personality. Through Your will, I forgive and love so many things about myself, which, until now, have annoyed me so much. Into Your hands, I place the little that I am, happy to be as I am, my own friend. Thy will be done.
Fifth: Acceptance of my Past
My God, Lord of my life, grant me the grace to transform pain into love; those who never understood me, those who could never accept me and always rejected me, those who attacked me with lies, half truths and slander, those who gave me sleepless nights and days full of tears. From this moment on, I want to transform all of those painful memories into an offering of love, and silently surrender them into the depths of Your will.
Thy will be done.
The soul's resistance, the heart's resentments, life's rebellions, inner struggles, private conflicts, painful memories, flawed personality traits, life's unhealed wounds, turmoil, tears, my soul's wails... I want to reduce it all to silence, in honor of my love for Your holy and mysterious will. Thy will be done.
Everything I was and shouldn't have been, everything that I did and shouldn't have done, everything that I said and shouldn't have said, I place forever into the eternal oblivion of Your heart. Thy will be done.
Those people who hurt me so...
Those first enemies...
That first failure and then that other one, which was the worst one in my life...
That mistake which I regretted so much afterwards...
Those undertakings that collapsed and we all know whose fault that was...
Those ideals that I was never able to attain...
My Lord, my Lord, at this moment all of that bloody, painful mass is transformed into a fragrant offering of love, and placed forever upon the altar of Your will. Let this be the moment of my rebirth, because my past will remain forgotten and erased forever and everything will begin anew. Like a newborn child, today I can start to walk freely and happily.
In Your name, Lord. Amen
Sixth: Forgiveness in the Spirit of Jesus
O, Holy Spirit, almighty power of God, in this moment may my feelings be the feelings of Jesus.
Lord Jesus, You who did and were resurrected, and are present here at this moment, enter into my being. Possess me completely. Make Yourself vividly present in my body and my spirit, and take complete control over my feelings, my thoughts, what I am and what I have. At this moment, let Your feelings be my feelings; Your emotions, my emotions, Your eyes my eyes, Your arms my arms.
Christ Jesus, almighty loving Lord, calm this storm of resentment and hostility that I feel towards that person. I want to feel what You feel for her right now, what You felt when You died on the cross for her salvation. Pardon that person from the depths of my being. Transform my feelings into Your feelings. Love and forgive that person from within me, instead of me, with me. I want to forgive that person like You do, love her like You do, feel what You feel for her. I want to see that person through Your eyes and embrace them with Your arms. I care for her. I understand her. I forgive her. I love that person, like You, my Lord.
Her, You and I, the three united as one; the three of us in a close embrace; Her, You, and I; I, You and Her; You, Her and I, in a tender embrace; more than forgiving that person, I understand. I love, I care for her...
Monday, September 8, 2014
Luke 12: 22-32
22: He said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life and what you will eat, or about your body and what you will wear.
24: Notice the ravens: they do not sow or reap; they have neither storehouse nor barn, yet God feeds them. How much more important are you than birds!
-Lord, you'll take care of me. Like my father Brian here on earth, you take care of me. You provide for me the situations I need to get closer to you. You gave me these amazing blessings on earth to serve you, and love you, and spread the word about you more. Maybe...I mean who am I to declare your will?
26: If even the smallest things are beyond your control, why are you anxious about the rest?
31: Instead, seek his kingdom, and those other things will be given you besides.
-I won't be worried about the job. I will learn to accept it and other things. Although it's a hard pill to swallow, I will learn to leave it in your hands.
First: Acceptance of Parents
My Lord, if I have ever despised or been ashamed of my parents, from this day on I accept them with tenderness and love. I ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness, and from your hands I accept them with gratitude and with real emotion. Even though they may have died, I still welcome them and embrace them. I love them; I accept them totally and completely in the mystery of Your will. Thank you for the gift of my parents, and may their memory be blessed forever.
Second: Acceptance of My Body
My Father, source of life, grant me the grace to befriend myself. If I have ever felt ashamed of the way that I am, I ask Your forgiveness, Creator of my life and my existence. Forgive my callousness and ungratefulness. From this moment on, I want to feel contented with who I am, happy to be as I am. I praise You, I adore You, and I thank You for these hands, this face, this body. I bless you for having made me as I am. I surrender myself into Your hands, happy to be as I am.
Third: Acceptance of Sickness and Death
My Father, Lord of life and death. Grant me the grace to peacefully accept the painful mystery of life, illness, deterioration and death. Let me accept them in silence and peace without complaints and without tears. I remember that Your Son transformed the most negative and worthless things in the world, such as pain and death, into a fountain of redemption and eternal life. From this moment on, I too want to transform my pain and my death into fertile fountains of redemption. From this moment on, I want to suffer with Jesus and like Jesus. Into Your hands, Father, I surrender my life and my death, my sickness and my health. Amen.
Fourth: Acceptance of Personality (forgiveness-love)
My Father, into Your hands I place myself, with the little that I am, happy to be as I am. If I have ever felt despondent or embarrassed about myself, I ask your forgiveness for having been ashamed of the work of Your hands. I thank You for having given me the capacity to think and to know that I carry your divine and immortal breath. Grant me the grace to forgive and love my strange personality. Through Your will, I forgive and love so many things about myself, which, until now, have annoyed me so much. Into Your hands, I place the little that I am, happy to be as I am, my own friend. Thy will be done.
Fifth: Acceptance of my Past
My God, Lord of my life, grant me the grace to transform pain into love; those who never understood me, those who could never accept me and always rejected me, those who attacked me with lies, half truths and slander, those who gave me sleepless nights and days full of tears. From this moment on, I want to transform all of those painful memories into an offering of love, and silently surrender them into the depths of Your will.
Thy will be done.
The soul's resistance, the heart's resentments, life's rebellions, inner struggles, private conflicts, painful memories, flawed personality traits, life's unhealed wounds, turmoil, tears, my soul's wails... I want to reduce it all to silence, in honor of my love for Your holy and mysterious will. Thy will be done.
Everything I was and shouldn't have been, everything that I did and shouldn't have done, everything that I said and shouldn't have said, I place forever into the eternal oblivion of Your heart. Thy will be done.
Those people who hurt me so...
Those first enemies...
That first failure and then that other one, which was the worst one in my life...
That mistake which I regretted so much afterwards...
Those undertakings that collapsed and we all know whose fault that was...
Those ideals that I was never able to attain...
My Lord, my Lord, at this moment all of that bloody, painful mass is transformed into a fragrant offering of love, and placed forever upon the altar of Your will. Let this be the moment of my rebirth, because my past will remain forgotten and erased forever and everything will begin anew. Like a newborn child, today I can start to walk freely and happily.
In Your name, Lord. Amen
Sixth: Forgiveness in the Spirit of Jesus
O, Holy Spirit, almighty power of God, in this moment may my feelings be the feelings of Jesus.
Lord Jesus, You who did and were resurrected, and are present here at this moment, enter into my being. Possess me completely. Make Yourself vividly present in my body and my spirit, and take complete control over my feelings, my thoughts, what I am and what I have. At this moment, let Your feelings be my feelings; Your emotions, my emotions, Your eyes my eyes, Your arms my arms.
Christ Jesus, almighty loving Lord, calm this storm of resentment and hostility that I feel towards that person. I want to feel what You feel for her right now, what You felt when You died on the cross for her salvation. Pardon that person from the depths of my being. Transform my feelings into Your feelings. Love and forgive that person from within me, instead of me, with me. I want to forgive that person like You do, love her like You do, feel what You feel for her. I want to see that person through Your eyes and embrace them with Your arms. I care for her. I understand her. I forgive her. I love that person, like You, my Lord.
Her, You and I, the three united as one; the three of us in a close embrace; Her, You, and I; I, You and Her; You, Her and I, in a tender embrace; more than forgiving that person, I understand. I love, I care for her...
24: Notice the ravens: they do not sow or reap; they have neither storehouse nor barn, yet God feeds them. How much more important are you than birds!
-Lord, you'll take care of me. Like my father Brian here on earth, you take care of me. You provide for me the situations I need to get closer to you. You gave me these amazing blessings on earth to serve you, and love you, and spread the word about you more. Maybe...I mean who am I to declare your will?
26: If even the smallest things are beyond your control, why are you anxious about the rest?
31: Instead, seek his kingdom, and those other things will be given you besides.
-I won't be worried about the job. I will learn to accept it and other things. Although it's a hard pill to swallow, I will learn to leave it in your hands.
First: Acceptance of Parents
My Lord, if I have ever despised or been ashamed of my parents, from this day on I accept them with tenderness and love. I ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness, and from your hands I accept them with gratitude and with real emotion. Even though they may have died, I still welcome them and embrace them. I love them; I accept them totally and completely in the mystery of Your will. Thank you for the gift of my parents, and may their memory be blessed forever.
Second: Acceptance of My Body
My Father, source of life, grant me the grace to befriend myself. If I have ever felt ashamed of the way that I am, I ask Your forgiveness, Creator of my life and my existence. Forgive my callousness and ungratefulness. From this moment on, I want to feel contented with who I am, happy to be as I am. I praise You, I adore You, and I thank You for these hands, this face, this body. I bless you for having made me as I am. I surrender myself into Your hands, happy to be as I am.
Third: Acceptance of Sickness and Death
My Father, Lord of life and death. Grant me the grace to peacefully accept the painful mystery of life, illness, deterioration and death. Let me accept them in silence and peace without complaints and without tears. I remember that Your Son transformed the most negative and worthless things in the world, such as pain and death, into a fountain of redemption and eternal life. From this moment on, I too want to transform my pain and my death into fertile fountains of redemption. From this moment on, I want to suffer with Jesus and like Jesus. Into Your hands, Father, I surrender my life and my death, my sickness and my health. Amen.
Fourth: Acceptance of Personality (forgiveness-love)
My Father, into Your hands I place myself, with the little that I am, happy to be as I am. If I have ever felt despondent or embarrassed about myself, I ask your forgiveness for having been ashamed of the work of Your hands. I thank You for having given me the capacity to think and to know that I carry your divine and immortal breath. Grant me the grace to forgive and love my strange personality. Through Your will, I forgive and love so many things about myself, which, until now, have annoyed me so much. Into Your hands, I place the little that I am, happy to be as I am, my own friend. Thy will be done.
Fifth: Acceptance of my Past
My God, Lord of my life, grant me the grace to transform pain into love; those who never understood me, those who could never accept me and always rejected me, those who attacked me with lies, half truths and slander, those who gave me sleepless nights and days full of tears. From this moment on, I want to transform all of those painful memories into an offering of love, and silently surrender them into the depths of Your will.
Thy will be done.
The soul's resistance, the heart's resentments, life's rebellions, inner struggles, private conflicts, painful memories, flawed personality traits, life's unhealed wounds, turmoil, tears, my soul's wails... I want to reduce it all to silence, in honor of my love for Your holy and mysterious will. Thy will be done.
Everything I was and shouldn't have been, everything that I did and shouldn't have done, everything that I said and shouldn't have said, I place forever into the eternal oblivion of Your heart. Thy will be done.
Those people who hurt me so...
Those first enemies...
That first failure and then that other one, which was the worst one in my life...
That mistake which I regretted so much afterwards...
Those undertakings that collapsed and we all know whose fault that was...
Those ideals that I was never able to attain...
My Lord, my Lord, at this moment all of that bloody, painful mass is transformed into a fragrant offering of love, and placed forever upon the altar of Your will. Let this be the moment of my rebirth, because my past will remain forgotten and erased forever and everything will begin anew. Like a newborn child, today I can start to walk freely and happily.
In Your name, Lord. Amen
Sixth: Forgiveness in the Spirit of Jesus
O, Holy Spirit, almighty power of God, in this moment may my feelings be the feelings of Jesus.
Lord Jesus, You who did and were resurrected, and are present here at this moment, enter into my being. Possess me completely. Make Yourself vividly present in my body and my spirit, and take complete control over my feelings, my thoughts, what I am and what I have. At this moment, let Your feelings be my feelings; Your emotions, my emotions, Your eyes my eyes, Your arms my arms.
Christ Jesus, almighty loving Lord, calm this storm of resentment and hostility that I feel towards that person. I want to feel what You feel for her right now, what You felt when You died on the cross for her salvation. Pardon that person from the depths of my being. Transform my feelings into Your feelings. Love and forgive that person from within me, instead of me, with me. I want to forgive that person like You do, love her like You do, feel what You feel for her. I want to see that person through Your eyes and embrace them with Your arms. I care for her. I understand her. I forgive her. I love that person, like You, my Lord.
Her, You and I, the three united as one; the three of us in a close embrace; Her, You, and I; I, You and Her; You, Her and I, in a tender embrace; more than forgiving that person, I understand. I love, I care for her...
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Psalm 119 4-16 (prayerful reading)
5: May my ways be firm in the observance of your laws!
6: Then I will not be ashamed to ponder all your commands.
9: How can the young walk without fault? Only by keeping your words.
14: I find joy in the way of your decrees more than in all riches.
Since the theme for this week is forgiveness I probably should have written something about forgiveness. But if I should have than you would have told me. Maybe love is more appropriate. I haven't spoken to you in a long time, and I think I didn't because I was afraid. Mom says that I am afraid to be a nurse because I don't want to kill any one. I have never felt that. I just felt like I was putting it off, like hiding it away like my feelings so I appear tough on the outside and can deal with it later. I feel the same way about praying to you that I do in regards to nursing and I guess that means I'm scared. I feel like everything I have said to you has been about fear and I need to accept that. I am very comfortable the way I am in life right now and I don't want to change. I can feel this little push to change and there are times that I want to be like Sarah, and Maria. They seem to be so close to you God. That picture that you showed me, about focusing on you. Does that mean that I have to forget about guys and a career? It sounds so shallow I know but I just want...you know what I want. You see me for who I am and you haven't left me. Why am I not satisfied my Lord?
First: Acceptance of Parents
My Lord, if I have ever despised or been ashamed of my parents, from this day on I accept them with tenderness and love. I ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness, and from your hands I accept them with gratitude and with real emotion. Even though they may have died, I still welcome them and embrace them. I love them; I accept them totally and completely in the mystery of Your will. Thank you for the gift of my parents, and may their memory be blessed forever.
Second: Acceptance of My Body
My Father, source of life, grant me the grace to befriend myself. If I have ever felt ashamed of the way that I am, I ask Your forgiveness, Creator of my life and my existence. Forgive my callousness and ungratefulness. From this moment on, I want to feel contented with who I am, happy to be as I am. I praise You, I adore You, and I thank You for these hands, this face, this body. I bless you for having made me as I am. I surrender myself into Your hands, happy to be as I am.
Third: Acceptance of Sickness and Death
My Father, Lord of life and death. Grant me the grace to peacefully accept the painful mystery of life, illness, deterioration and death. Let me accept them in silence and peace without complaints and without tears. I remember that Your Son transformed the most negative and worthless things in the world, such as pain and death, into a fountain of redemption and eternal life. From this moment on, I too want to transform my pain and my death into fertile fountains of redemption. From this moment on, I want to suffer with Jesus and like Jesus. Into Your hands, Father, I surrender my life and my death, my sickness and my health. Amen.
Fourth: Acceptance of Personality (forgiveness-love)
My Father, into Your hands I place myself, with the little that I am, happy to be as I am. If I have ever felt despondent or embarrassed about myself, I ask your forgiveness for having been ashamed of the work of Your hands. I thank You for having given me the capacity to think and to know that I carry your divine and immortal breath. Grant me the grace to forgive and love my strange personality. Through Your will, I forgive and love so many things about myself, which, until now, have annoyed me so much. Into Your hands, I place the little that I am, happy to be as I am, my own friend. Thy will be done.
Fifth: Acceptance of my Past
My God, Lord of my life, grant me the grace to transform pain into love; those who never understood me, those who could never accept me and always rejected me, those who attacked me with lies, half truths and slander, those who gave me sleepless nights and days full of tears. From this moment on, I want to transform all of those painful memories into an offering of love, and silently surrender them into the depths of Your will.
Thy will be done.
The soul's resistance, the heart's resentments, life's rebellions, inner struggles, private conflicts, painful memories, flawed personality traits, life's unhealed wounds, turmoil, tears, my soul's wails... I want to reduce it all to silence, in honor of my love for Your holy and mysterious will. Thy will be done.
Everything I was and shouldn't have been, everything that I did and shouldn't have done, everything that I said and shouldn't have said, I place forever into the eternal oblivion of Your heart. Thy will be done.
Those people who hurt me so...
Those first enemies...
That first failure and then that other one, which was the worst one in my life...
That mistake which I regretted so much afterwards...
Those undertakings that collapsed and we all know whose fault that was...
Those ideals that I was never able to attain...
My Lord, my Lord, at this moment all of that bloody, painful mass is transformed into a fragrant offering of love, and placed forever upon the altar of Your will. Let this be the moment of my rebirth, because my past will remain forgotten and erased forever and everything will begin anew. Like a newborn child, today I can start to walk freely and happily.
In Your name, Lord. Amen
Sixth: Forgiveness in the Spirit of Jesus
O, Holy Spirit, almighty power of God, in this moment may my feelings be the feelings of Jesus.
Lord Jesus, You who did and were resurrected, and are present here at this moment, enter into my being. Possess me completely. Make Yourself vividly present in my body and my spirit, and take complete control over my feelings, my thoughts, what I am and what I have. At this moment, let Your feelings be my feelings; Your emotions, my emotions, Your eyes my eyes, Your arms my arms.
Christ Jesus, almighty loving Lord, calm this storm of resentment and hostility that I feel towards that person. I want to feel what You feel for her right now, what You felt when You died on the cross for her salvation. Pardon that person from the depths of my being. Transform my feelings into Your feelings. Love and forgive that person from within me, instead of me, with me. I want to forgive that person like You do, love her like You do, feel what You feel for her. I want to see that person through Your eyes and embrace them with Your arms. I care for her. I understand her. I forgive her. I love that person, like You, my Lord.
Her, You and I, the three united as one; the three of us in a close embrace; Her, You, and I; I, You and Her; You, Her and I, in a tender embrace; more than forgiving that person, I understand. I love, I care for her...
6: Then I will not be ashamed to ponder all your commands.
9: How can the young walk without fault? Only by keeping your words.
14: I find joy in the way of your decrees more than in all riches.
Since the theme for this week is forgiveness I probably should have written something about forgiveness. But if I should have than you would have told me. Maybe love is more appropriate. I haven't spoken to you in a long time, and I think I didn't because I was afraid. Mom says that I am afraid to be a nurse because I don't want to kill any one. I have never felt that. I just felt like I was putting it off, like hiding it away like my feelings so I appear tough on the outside and can deal with it later. I feel the same way about praying to you that I do in regards to nursing and I guess that means I'm scared. I feel like everything I have said to you has been about fear and I need to accept that. I am very comfortable the way I am in life right now and I don't want to change. I can feel this little push to change and there are times that I want to be like Sarah, and Maria. They seem to be so close to you God. That picture that you showed me, about focusing on you. Does that mean that I have to forget about guys and a career? It sounds so shallow I know but I just want...you know what I want. You see me for who I am and you haven't left me. Why am I not satisfied my Lord?
First: Acceptance of Parents
My Lord, if I have ever despised or been ashamed of my parents, from this day on I accept them with tenderness and love. I ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness, and from your hands I accept them with gratitude and with real emotion. Even though they may have died, I still welcome them and embrace them. I love them; I accept them totally and completely in the mystery of Your will. Thank you for the gift of my parents, and may their memory be blessed forever.
Second: Acceptance of My Body
My Father, source of life, grant me the grace to befriend myself. If I have ever felt ashamed of the way that I am, I ask Your forgiveness, Creator of my life and my existence. Forgive my callousness and ungratefulness. From this moment on, I want to feel contented with who I am, happy to be as I am. I praise You, I adore You, and I thank You for these hands, this face, this body. I bless you for having made me as I am. I surrender myself into Your hands, happy to be as I am.
Third: Acceptance of Sickness and Death
My Father, Lord of life and death. Grant me the grace to peacefully accept the painful mystery of life, illness, deterioration and death. Let me accept them in silence and peace without complaints and without tears. I remember that Your Son transformed the most negative and worthless things in the world, such as pain and death, into a fountain of redemption and eternal life. From this moment on, I too want to transform my pain and my death into fertile fountains of redemption. From this moment on, I want to suffer with Jesus and like Jesus. Into Your hands, Father, I surrender my life and my death, my sickness and my health. Amen.
Fourth: Acceptance of Personality (forgiveness-love)
My Father, into Your hands I place myself, with the little that I am, happy to be as I am. If I have ever felt despondent or embarrassed about myself, I ask your forgiveness for having been ashamed of the work of Your hands. I thank You for having given me the capacity to think and to know that I carry your divine and immortal breath. Grant me the grace to forgive and love my strange personality. Through Your will, I forgive and love so many things about myself, which, until now, have annoyed me so much. Into Your hands, I place the little that I am, happy to be as I am, my own friend. Thy will be done.
Fifth: Acceptance of my Past
My God, Lord of my life, grant me the grace to transform pain into love; those who never understood me, those who could never accept me and always rejected me, those who attacked me with lies, half truths and slander, those who gave me sleepless nights and days full of tears. From this moment on, I want to transform all of those painful memories into an offering of love, and silently surrender them into the depths of Your will.
Thy will be done.
The soul's resistance, the heart's resentments, life's rebellions, inner struggles, private conflicts, painful memories, flawed personality traits, life's unhealed wounds, turmoil, tears, my soul's wails... I want to reduce it all to silence, in honor of my love for Your holy and mysterious will. Thy will be done.
Everything I was and shouldn't have been, everything that I did and shouldn't have done, everything that I said and shouldn't have said, I place forever into the eternal oblivion of Your heart. Thy will be done.
Those people who hurt me so...
Those first enemies...
That first failure and then that other one, which was the worst one in my life...
That mistake which I regretted so much afterwards...
Those undertakings that collapsed and we all know whose fault that was...
Those ideals that I was never able to attain...
My Lord, my Lord, at this moment all of that bloody, painful mass is transformed into a fragrant offering of love, and placed forever upon the altar of Your will. Let this be the moment of my rebirth, because my past will remain forgotten and erased forever and everything will begin anew. Like a newborn child, today I can start to walk freely and happily.
In Your name, Lord. Amen
Sixth: Forgiveness in the Spirit of Jesus
O, Holy Spirit, almighty power of God, in this moment may my feelings be the feelings of Jesus.
Lord Jesus, You who did and were resurrected, and are present here at this moment, enter into my being. Possess me completely. Make Yourself vividly present in my body and my spirit, and take complete control over my feelings, my thoughts, what I am and what I have. At this moment, let Your feelings be my feelings; Your emotions, my emotions, Your eyes my eyes, Your arms my arms.
Christ Jesus, almighty loving Lord, calm this storm of resentment and hostility that I feel towards that person. I want to feel what You feel for her right now, what You felt when You died on the cross for her salvation. Pardon that person from the depths of my being. Transform my feelings into Your feelings. Love and forgive that person from within me, instead of me, with me. I want to forgive that person like You do, love her like You do, feel what You feel for her. I want to see that person through Your eyes and embrace them with Your arms. I care for her. I understand her. I forgive her. I love that person, like You, my Lord.
Her, You and I, the three united as one; the three of us in a close embrace; Her, You, and I; I, You and Her; You, Her and I, in a tender embrace; more than forgiving that person, I understand. I love, I care for her...
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